I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
