Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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