When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
