I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
