I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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