I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I had to cum in my sink.
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