Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
