I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
