Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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