since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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