Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
