I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
