There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
