Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
