pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
