thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
