paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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