I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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