umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
