Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
