fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
