I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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