I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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