I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I woke up under a house in Key West
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize