I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
