last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
