i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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