tonight lets celebrate not being married
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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