I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
