When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
