Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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