nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
