I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I think my vagina is haunted
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Boobs are out for the taking
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
