Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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