bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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