I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i would punch a child for taco bell
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
