Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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