she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
