I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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