His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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