weddingsv make me drug and hornr
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
