is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
