As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
