i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
