I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
