Im at strip club and am horny
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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