the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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