Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
