You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
