why didn't you poke me back
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
