it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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