So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
