you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
