Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Did I show you my penis last night?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
