No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
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