he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
