Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
