I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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