Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
