He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
