That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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