i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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